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Showing posts with label judgementalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judgementalism. Show all posts

12 July 2024

Carolyn Hax: Aunt in white jeans hits sour note in otherwise ‘fabulous’ wedding 12JUL24

(Illustration by Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post)

I do on occasion read the advise columns and think Carolyn Hax gives good advise. On this one I feel she is spot on and I really hope those whose behaviour she addresses realize just how badly they behaved. There is a lesson in her advise for all of us. From the Washington Post..... 

Carolyn Hax: Aunt in white jeans hits sour note in otherwise ‘fabulous’ wedding

Should this writer say something to the sister-in-law who seems to have underdressed for a “fabulous” wedding on purpose?
July 12, 2024 at 12:00 a.m. EDT
Carolyn Hax started her Washington Post advice column in 1997, after five years on the Style desk and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis — Carolyn's ex-husband — and appears in dozens of newspapers.

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I recently hosted the wedding of our daughter in the historical museum of our beautiful upscale California beach town. The reception was described as “cocktails, dinner and dancing,” and children were not included. Dress clearly was listed as “festive cocktail attire.” It was a fabulous event, with cuisine stations all our friends raved about, a 12-piece live band, colorful floral arrangements and lovely decor, and the warmth and affection of 170 of our wonderful family and friends. Everyone was dressed beautifully, with one weird exception: my husband’s older sister, who lives in an even more upscale nearby town, but who arrived at our event looking like she had just taken a walk on the beach, in white jeans, casual sandals and the sort of untucked shirt you might throw on to go grocery shopping. Meanwhile, her husband had followed our dress code, as did her daughter in a lace designer cocktail dress and stilettos.

This older sister was the topic of much speculation among our guests. Several of our daughters’ friends thought she worked at the wedding venue. One friend cheekily asked if she was living in a home for the aged and suggested perhaps they hadn’t dressed her properly.

I wonder if my sister-in-law did this on purpose out of jealousy, as her own daughter, a decade older than mine, appears content not to marry her longtime partner.

All the speculation has very much hurt my husband, who remembers what his sister did at our own wedding more than 35 years ago: I had met her only a couple of times but included her on a group trip to choose bridesmaid dresses. Afterward, she phoned my husband to demand that he pay for her dress.

I had put this incident completely out of my mind until she showed up at my daughter’s wedding dressed inappropriately. What do you think we should do or say, if anything, about her attire?

— E.


E.: Were the cocktails being served on a lawn? At a dive bar, on my patio, by a firepit, slope-side, poolside, pole-side? I have no doubt “festive cocktail attire” was “clearly listed,” but as a wardrobe directive, it’s arguably meaningless. At least it could be to anyone invited for cocktails who imagines being festive wherever they will enjoy the company.

Am I being disingenuous? A wee bit. I tend to get that way when it is just expected that people will know and obey the inexplicit language of class so unquestioningly that white jeans would pass for offensive.

I definitely get that way when rancid elitist sport-gossip isn’t deemed offensive but a comfy outfit is. She’s a doddering oldster! No, the seethingly envious mother of an old-cake unwed! No, worst of all [gasp], an employee?! And decades ago as a bridesmaid, she possibly made a faux pas?! How will your poor husband ever show his face among these “wonderful” “upscale” “friends” again?!?!

They’re cheeky, yes, if you mean in the sense of a backside.

I include all of you, to a one. Everyone “speculating,” taking a well-dressed, frost-hearted stab at her clothes.

The only thing any of you should say to her about her attire is thank you, for the mirror held up to your souls.

Excessive? Okay: to your values, then. Gracious hosts take pride in making all their guests feel welcome and wanted — not in putting on the most photo-ready show while hiding knives in their festive pleats. If being a gracious guest means winning Pin the Barb on the Auntie, then I’ll just see myself out.

23 January 2015

‘American Sniper’ or ‘Selma’ — How Christian Is Your Movie Choice? 21JAN15

I think the murder of Chris Kyle was a tragedy. It was so sad that he survived the horrors of war only to come home to his family and then be murdered by a fellow vet he was trying to help. But I do not see him as a martyr for his faith, and I reject the arguments in the Christian community that his military service is a testimony for Christianity. Christ said "Blessed are the peacemakers", he didn't say blessed are the warriors. What each vet had to do in battle ends up being between him or her and God. I believe if the person who has taken another persons life while serving in the military sincerely ask God to forgive him their sin ("Thou shall not kill" is one of the 10 Commandments) that sin is forgive and God wipes the slate clean. But Chris Kyle's attitude reminds me of the Islamic jihadist who feel they are doing their god's will in the wars raging in the Middle East and parts of Africa as well as the terrorism they commit in these areas as well as Europe and the rest of the world. Chris Kyle took it upon himself to judge and sentence each person he killed as a sniper as evil and deserving death by his hand. Christ instructs Christians to leave the ultimate sentence to God. That is why I do not view 'American Sniper' as a film celebrating Christianity or the story of Chris Kyle's military service to be used as an example of Christian service in the military. This from +Sojourners .....

‘American Sniper’ or ‘Selma’ — How Christian Is Your Movie Choice?


It’s no surprise when we talk about the influential power of the Christian pocketbook when it comes to politics, culture, or any other part of the social fabric in the United States. The conversation has been evolving for quite a while now, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have its standout moments. One such moment was the unexpected box office power of The Passion of the Christ. Large numbers from various faith communities urged their members to buy tickets in an effort to send a message with their purchase. They wanted the box office numbers to speak for Christian influence in the notably secular realm that was, and is, Hollywood. They wanted their money to talk.
Images via 'American Sniper' and 'Selma Movie' on Facebook.
I don’t see it as much of a coincidence that, according to The Hollywood Reporter, American Sniper finished its four-day debut on Monday — Martin Luther King Jr. Day — with a historic $107.3 million take. The previous best for a non-Hollywood-tentpole drama? The Passion of the Christ with $83.8 million.
Now, these two openings aren’t directly comparable. There are obviously different sets of circumstances surrounding the two films, including star-actor power, Hollywood support, and (for the purpose of our discussion) how much Christianized effort was involved. The buzz around American Sniper isn’t the same as when people purchased tickets to show support for The Passion of the Christ, even if they didn’t plan on seeing the film. Still, American Sniper brings us face to face with the issue Americans can’t escape in our modern society: the conflation of faith and patriotism.
A week ago, Sojourners ran an article from Religion News Service highlighting the role of Christian faith for Chris Kyle, the sniper and main character played by Bradley Cooper in the Clint Eastwood film. Several quotes from his book were used to call attention to the prominence of faith for Kyle in real life versus the lighter take on it shown in the movie. The article ends with one such quote:
“I believe the fact that I’ve accepted Jesus as my savior will be my salvation. … But in that backroom or whatever it is when God confronts me with my sins, I do not believe any of the kills I had during the war will be among them. Everyone I shot was evil. I had good cause on every shot. They all deserved to die.”
Even if such language is patriotic for those who defend a black-and-white, us-versus-them ideology when it comes to combat, it is disturbing at best in a Christian context. First, Kyle makes the mistake of judging the life-value of another, something Christ implores us to leave to God (Matthew 7:1-2). Second, such language highlights the issue I mentioned earlier: the conflation of faith and patriotism. It’s a difficult idea to pull apart and examine, especially if both subjects are important to your daily life and identity. Even so, we’re asked to be thoughtful about our relationship to God and our neighbor. We’re even asked to go beyond that by loving God and loving our neighbor in the same way we love ourselves. Believing that ending the life of a neighbor, no matter what they’ve done, is outside the realm of sin or God’s judgment is a precarious Christian position to take.
Yet many are quick to defend the problematic Christianity of Kyle. They defend it with a vehemence, and they defend the beliefs present in the book — and now in the movie — in many cases because they personally hold similar beliefs. This is what makes all of this so troubling for me: Many Christians are eager to speak out in the wider culture using their money (something I’m not sure is a completely Christian or grace-inspired tactic to begin with, but that’s another discussion), yet the overwhelmingly dominant film is a war biopic chronicling violent individual accomplishments, not the one about one of the greatest teachers and leaders of our time, a preacher with a Christ-driven message of non-violence.
The latest box office numbers for Selma were also released today following the MLK holiday weekend. The film reportedly brought in $11.5 million through Monday, bringing its domestic total to $29.1 million. Selma debuted last month, and it has made roughly under one-third of American Sniper debut earnings.

There’s a disconnect here, right? Even while we don't have the data to show the connections between the Christian movie audience and the audience of American Sniper, we can still talk about how certain films are supported financially throughout the culture, some pick up support from perceived Christian audiences and some struggle to gain traction in Christian communities despite their alignment with Christian values. While viewers of both Selma and American Sniper certainly fall on a spectrum between religious and non-religious, we’re still talking about a lack of support in the U.S. market for a movie that places justice and Christ-centered values front and center.

You might say that the dominant film is the one speaking to the dominant culture. It's easier to imagine heroics in terms of violence and war rather than peaceful protest. It's easier to imagine that civil rights are an outside phenomena, one that doesn't have to worry or bother those on the inside of the mainstream dominant culture. It's easier to lend quick support to catchy militaristic phrases than love your enemy. It's definitely easier to defend America as "the promised land" rather than notice what work desperately needs to be done to make it a "promised land" for all.
We can safely say the box office numbers for Selma signal a lack of support from Christian communities because we have financial successes like The Passion of the Christ to point to when we talk about large groups of Christians using their money and resources to name their priorities. We can name it as a lack of support because many of us who follow Christian media and news are seeing the renewed groundswell behind the story of Chris Kyle as an example of American Christian service and morality, rather than someone like Martin Luther King Jr. And we can name it as a lack of support because works like Selma offer us chances to renew the conversation on freedom, justice, civil rights and the overarching Christian ethic, yet they struggle to make headway.
Obviously, we're not making the most of our opportunities to lift up the art and commentary currently speaking to Christian truth. Maybe the problem is that we’re getting confused about which version of Christianity we support.
Mark Lockard is an editor at Ministry Matters. He has a Master of Theological Studies degree from Vanderbilt Divinity School, writes and draws for the religion and culture blog DisembodiedBeard.net , and lives in Nashville. This article originally appeared at Ministry Matters .

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03 January 2015

5 Ways I'm the Worst at Following Jesus 29DEZ14

I am a sinner and a saint, all people of faith are. And so some judge me as a real sinner and hypocrite and I confess they are right and I am. But I also ask why they are judging me, is it out of love, or self-righteousness or an attempt to justify their decision not to believe? And I also have to ask, do you only see my faults and failings? Don't you ever see my attempts to be good, to practice my faith as God, as Jesus commands? I will try to do better. This from +Sojourners .....

5 Ways I'm the Worst at Following Jesus

As you may know by now, I’m starting a new project in which I try for a year to really, seriously understand what it means to follow Jesus in western, post-industrial 21st century society. What does that look like? Do any of us actually do it? And to what degree, seriously, are we supposed to actually be like Jesus, as opposed to finding our own way to walk a more Christ-like path on our current context?
Wind-up shoes walking. Image courtesy zimmytws/shutterstock.com
Wind-up shoes walking. Image courtesy zimmytws/shutterstock.com

My biggest concern at the moment is that though a lot of us claim to “be Christians,” or even to follow Jesus, a lot of us don’t spend much intentional time trying to figure out what that means and what it looks like in daily life. We try not to be too crappy to other people, try not to kill, steal, adulterate (is that even a word?) or worship graven images. We try to love, and to accept love — though we still hurt each other. A lot. The world is messed up and so far from realizing the fully kingdom-inspired image of wholeness and reconciliation to which God invites us.
And at least in my theological world, that’s on us, not God. I believe, with all of my being, that the audacious vision of God’s kingdom, here and now, isn’t something we sit around and pray for God to make real for us. Like Jesus said, we can (and should) collectively do greater things than even he did. When people experienced healing in his presence, he never said, “Hey, I did that!” Rather, he always told them that it was their own faith that made them well.
That’s pretty amazing to consider. And inspiring. And terrifying.
So here I am, not so much trying to be Jesus, but trying to at least follow his life, teaching, and example better. And in taking my own personal inventory, I can see that I pretty much suck at it. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up, but it’s clear I have plenty of work to do. Here are five examples:
I like stuff. I was raised in culture in which the very economy depended on my affinity for stuff. I mean, what did George W. Bush tell us to do to help us heal from 9/11? Go shopping, of course! I try to break the habit, but dammit if stuff isn’t awesome, shiny, fun, and freaking everywhere. Maybe I need to work the twelve steps for my stuff addiction. Maybe we all do.
I want people to like me. Especially in the public sphere, my career more or less depends on it. I post a new article and watch with either a sense of self-satisfaction or dread as the page-views roll in or stall out at a trickle. I get the sales reports form my publishers and see my own self worth in the midst of the numbers. My ego is so wrapped up in my identity — more specifically, what I do — that it’s hard for me to talk about who I am without jumping to my work.
I’m critical of others. I’m a real pro at finding fault in other people. Some psychologists suggests (and yes, I dropped out of my PhD in psych, thank you) that such a critical view of the outside world is simply an obfuscation to keep us from dealing with our own lingering sense of a lack of worth. But the thing is, I’m onto the fact that, lots of days, I can be a real asshole. Maybe for me, it’s more about assuring myself that everyone else is nearly the same degree of asshole as I am. The thing is, when I lean on this kind of justification, nothing changes. If our sense of worth hinges on comparisons, we’re all screwed.
I let fear dictate my actions. It’s funny to me when people write to me about my writing being vulnerable, brave, or the like, because to me, it’s proof positive that so much of my life is simply about trying to reconcile fear and keep it in some sort of healthy context. By naming it, my hope is that it loses some of its power. But it keeps coming back, and more often than not, it weaves its way into my consciousness like some kind of virus, infecting my judgment and my perspective. If, as Paul notes, we availed ourself to a more perfect love, there would be no room for fear. Clearly got to keep that one on my to-do list.
I’m willfulOne of Jesus’ most powerful phrases ever uttered, at least for me, was, “Not my will, but yours, God, be done.” It’s one thing to submit your own will to something bigger than yourself under normal circumstances — it’s entirely another to do it when you’re facing death. It’s not that I think that we’re all called to be martyrs for our faith. Hardly. But if we can’t let go of control and place our own agenda and idea of how things should be in the back seat on the basic, day-to-day stuff, how can we possibly do it when things get really serious? It’s a little trickier for me, since I’m not sure I’m on the “God has a consciousness and will like human beings” train, but I do know, when I take time to contemplate, what is for the Greater Good. And more often than not, I want to get there, but only if I can filter it through my own personal agenda first.
If I achieve nothing more than working intently on these five things in the coming year, I’m pretty sure I’ll be a great deal closer to the Jesus path I’m talking about than I am now. Of course, considering this all is being documented here on a public blog, on our podcast, and ultimately in a book, it may be a bit of a set-up.
Dammit, there I go, putting things through my own personal agenda-filter again. Starting again, again…
Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He co-created and co-edits the “WTF: Where’s the Faith?” young adult series with Chalice Press, and he has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date. 

13 June 2014

Prominent pastor/radio host offers chilling advice to parents with adult kids who are gay & John MacArthur on Having Gay Children: Alienate Them & Turn Them Over to Satan & Some Things To Consider If You Think Being Gay Is A Sin 3&10JUN&29MAI14

THE hypocrisy in this pastor's statement is stunning and he should be ashamed. This will only encourage hatred, discrimination, prejudice and possibly violence against the LGBT community. Last I knew those are not the teachings of Jesus Christ.  Thankfully there other Christian leaders who are speaking out against him and his heresy. Here is the text of 1st Corinthians 5 (below). Homosexuality is not specifically mentioned, but incest is, along with sexual immorality (allowing human interpretation based not on the teachings of Christ but on personal prejudice thus condemnation of gays when the scripture actually addresses all sexual activity outside marriage). john mccarthur knew better than to apply this scripture to society at large, if he did he would loose most of his followers and their money. If he applied all of the things listed to society at large Christians would have to consider their greed and actual tithing, their idolatry with their striving for more material goods to keep up with their neighbors, their pooh-poohing of having too much to drink as well as use of other drugs. And slanderers. Gossip is slander, and it is rampant in too many of our churches. And how many of our politicians of any party should be allowed to address Christians in our churches and at our conventions? Why, Christians shouldn't be donating time and / or money or voting for the vast majority of our politicians because slander of their opponents and our government comes as easy to the majority of our politicians as breathing. Finally, read the definition of swindle (swin·dle [swin-dl] verb (used with object), swin·dled, swin·dling.
1. to cheat (a person, business, etc.) out of money or other assets.
2. to obtain by fraud or deceit. verb (used without object), swin·dled, swin·dling.
3. to put forward plausible schemes or use unscrupulous trickery to defraud others; cheat. noun
4. an act of swindling or a fraudulent transaction or scheme.
5. anything deceptive; a fraud: This advertisement is a real swindle.)
, look in the mirror, and let those who aren't guilty of this sin cast the first stone.

1 Corinthians 5

New International Version (NIV)

Dealing With a Case of Incest

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.
Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.
12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”[d]
 Footnotes:
  1. 1 Corinthians 5:5 In contexts like this, the Greek word for flesh (sarx) refers to the sinful state of human beings, often presented as a power in opposition to the Spirit.
  2. 1 Corinthians 5:5 Or of his body
  3. 1 Corinthians 5:11 The Greek word for brother or sister (adelphos) refers here to a believer, whether man or woman, as part of God’s family; also in 8:11, 13.
  4. 1 Corinthians 5:13 Deut. 13:5; 17:7; 19:19; 21:21; 22:21,24; 24:7
From Daily Kos.....
Wed Jun 11, 2014 at 03:12 PM PDT

Prominent pastor/radio host offers chilling advice to parents with adult kids who are gay


One of the few prominent evangelical/fundamentalist pastors who has largely stayed out of political hankering has dipped his toe into those waters--and in one of the ugliest ways possible.  John MacArthur pastors Grace Community Church in the San Fernando Valley and hosts the daily radio show "Grace to You."  He has a sterling reputation in the evangelical community, and his show has been a ratings juggernaut on Christian radio for decades.
Last week, MacArthur got a letter from a listener who wanted to know what to do after one of her kids came out as gay.  MacArthur's advice?  Unless that child "repents," he or she should be completely disowned and isolated.  Watch here.
http://youtu.be/tWYAwknMlH4

MacArthur says that if a parent finds out his or her child his gay, that parent has to completely shun them and "turn them over to Satan."  I've seen some pretty ugly rants against gays before, but this has got to be one of the worst.  If there's any difference at all between the spirit of this message from MacArthur and the spirit of Westboro, I'd like to know--because I sure don't see any.
When Benjamin Corey, a doctoral student at Fuller Theological Seminary and the author of the "Formerly Fundie" blog at Patheos, found out about this, he hit the ceiling.  In a rebuttal, Corey pointed out how inconsistent fundies are about shunning.
One of the key passages folks use to support shunning comes from 1 Corinthians 5– the unfortunate truth, however, is that Paul lists several sins he thought were shun-worthy. Folks like MacArthur have lifted sexual immorality out of that passage while completely ignoring the rest of what Paul taught. Why?
Because it would be horribly inconvenient to actually practice this verse. In it, Paul teaches that we are to have nothing to do with Christians who are… greedy.
Which in America, is a whole lot of us. I wonder if MacArthur would also suggest you shun an adult child who makes $200,000 a year but doesn’t tithe or give any of their money to charity? Somehow, I doubt it.
Corey then ticks off a laundry list of people who should be shunned if we were to really practice that verse.  Probably explains why it's applied so selectively.  To his mind, the only appropriate response to someone who comes out as gay is to "walk across the room, give them a big hug, and tell them that you’re always going to love them."  Couldn't agree more.
Thu Jun 12, 2014 at 5:37 AM PT: Since this made the rec list, I thought I'd share something Horace Boothroyd III dug up in the comments that makes MacArthur's advice even more obscene.  It turns out that a whopping 40 percent of homeless kids are LGBT.  Out of that figure, 68 percent of them have experienced rejection by their families.  Hope MacArthur is proud of himself.

John MacArthur on Having Gay Children: Alienate Them & Turn Them Over to Satan


John MacArthur was recently asked by a reader how they should respond to an adult child who has acknowledged they are gay. His parenting advice?
Alienate them.
Separate them.
Isolate them.
Refuse to have a meal with them.
Turn them over to Satan.
Here’s the full clip: SEE video above

I have a better idea: if you have a child who comes out to you, regardless of your theological opinion, here’s what you should do:
Walk across the room, give them a big hug, and tell them that you’re always going to love them.
What troubles me about MacArthur’s advice, and so many who think like him, is the horrible inconsistency that often is used when it comes to shunning. One of the key passages folks use to support shunning comes from 1 Corinthians 5– the unfortunate truth, however, is that Paul lists several sins he thought were shun-worthy. Folks like MacArthur have lifted sexual immorality out of that passage while completely ignoring the rest of what Paul taught.
Why?
Because it would be horribly inconvenient to actually practice this verse. In it, Paul teaches that we are to have nothing to do with Christians who are… greedy.
Which in America, is a whole lot of us. I wonder if MacArthur would also suggest you shun an adult child who makes $200,000 a year but doesn’t tithe or give any of their money to charity? Somehow, I doubt it.
I wonder if MacArthur would teach that we should isolate, alienate, and turn over to Satan our children who struggle with over-eating? That can be a form of greed because it is taking more than you need.
Or, what about the idolators mentioned in that same passage? I know a boat load of Christians who are trusting in firearms for their safety instead of God– which is idolatry. According to Paul, they should be shunned as well.
And, don’t even get me started on the fact that Paul also mentions “abusive” people in that passage also. That’s a whole other can of worms that would require shunning a lot of Christians in leadership.
Paul goes on to also include drunks and swindlers… so let’s make the list of people we’re going to shun even longer.
I’m just glad that I worship Jesus– not MacArthur (or even Paul himself!).
Jesus is the one who religious conservatives hated because instead of shunning, he had meals with people.
The drunks.
The hookers.
The swindlers.
You know, the kind of people we’re supposed to shun.
This is precisely why we are to make Jesus– and nothing else– the center of our faith and practice. Because it is through Jesus we find that sharing a meal, not alienation, is what love looks like.
So, please– if you have a child who comes out to you, forget everything that MacArthur is saying on shunning, and exchange it for giving a hug and sharing a meal.

Some Things To Consider If You Think Being Gay Is A Sin


Please consider that regardless of whether you’re able to fully accept this or not, there are gay Christians.
Like I said yesterday, perhaps your theology on the issue might not ever change or evolve, but please know, these are real people you’re talking about. This isn’t just a “concept” or an inanimate object– these are real live Christian brothers and sisters that deserve every bit of love and empathy as anyone else. Maybe you haven’t counseled the teenager in your church who wants to kill themselves because they’re finally realizing that they’re gay and always have been. Maybe you haven’t had a friend weep in your presence over the fact that they realize they are gay, but also realize they did not chose to be– and that they’ll never be accepted by the tribe. Maybe you haven’t had a chance to serve in church for years on end next to someone who you never realized was in fact, gay the whole time and also unwavering in their love for Jesus and commitment to the church.
These things have happened to me, but I get that maybe you’ve never experienced them. So please, just consider that we are not talking about an “issue” here– we’re talking about real people. People created in the image and likeness of God. People with feelings, passions, hopes, and dreams. When we allow this to simply become an “issue” within modern Christian discourse, we end up dehumanizing the very real people we’re actually referencing.
Please become willing to reexamine what the Bible teaches on homosexuality.
The apostle Paul taught that the church at Berea was “more noble” than other churches because they didn’t blindly believe what he taught, but instead studied the scriptures for an answer. Would you be willing to do what the church at Berea did, and reexamine what is, or may not be, in scripture? Remember- when looking at scripture there are all sorts of things to consider, such as historical context, the original language, etc. While such exegesis is encouraged in many other theological areas (such as women covering their heads) it’s not often encouraged on this issue. I would invite you to reexamine these passages and consider the same factors we consider when interpreting or applying any other part of scripture.
If you’re willing to do this, Matthew Vines has a great new book with does exactly that– God and the Gay Christian– and I would strongly urge you to read it. Matthew is a conservative evangelical who writes from a conservative evangelical perspective, and does an outstanding job at showing that there is a very legitimate, alternate understanding of some of these texts. When considering any issue, it is important to take into account and give an honest ear to all sides of an issue. Rarely has a conservative evangelical done what Vines has done, and I would strongly encourage you to read it, and consider the arguments he makes as you formulate your own opinion on what the Bible does, or does not, teach on the issue.
Even if you don’t agree with Matthew in the end, his book will help you to realize that many people affirm monogamous, same sex marriage without discarding the Bible. I know to some of you that might sound crazy, which is really why you should read the book– from one conservative evangelical to another. I think what Matt has done is huge: at a minimum, he has helped to show there is an alternative biblical understanding which should firmly place this issue into the category of “secondary theology” where Christian charity should leave room for disagreement without declaring who is in, and who is out.
Please consider that we treat our gay brothers and sisters differently than everyone else, and even if you’re right– this behavior is wrong.
Let’s say your theology doesn’t change and that you even turn out to be correct in that homosexuality is a sin. Still, you face a cultural issue that one should find appalling– the fact that we’ve basically forced gay Christians to go out and get their own churches instead of being welcomed at ours.
Greg Boyd shows the absurdity of what we’ve done in his book, Repenting of Religion (one of my favorites– and will provoke you in good ways. Greg once said that he lost 1000 members of his church when he wrote it). In the book, Greg points out that America has an obesity epidemic and that much of the time, the obesity is caused by gluttony (over eating)– which is a sin. Furthermore, we know that over-eating is also greed (taking more than what you need), which the Bible calls idol worship (Col 3:5, Eph 5:5). Boyd’s question then becomes (as does mine): if we make gay Christians go out and get their own churches, why are we not forcing people who are obese due to over eating to go out and get their own churches as well? Obviously, we’d never dream of such a thing– the sin of over eating is culturally acceptable, so we ignore the teachings of scripture on it most of the time. On a more practical level, as Boyd points out, we know the reasons why a person may over eat are complex, personal, and unknown to us– which means that only God can judge them, since God is the only one who understands the whole picture.
Therefore, even if homosexuality is a sin, following this line of thinking, we should be using the same standard that we use with people who are obese from over eating: love them, include them, and refrain from judging them. The fact that we have created an entire, separate way of viewing and treating our gay brothers and sisters, is nothing short of corporate sin.
We’d rarely- if ever- treat these people the way LGBTQ people get treated, and that should be a deeply concerning realization. The fact that one group, and only one group, has been effectively marginalized from the church (you know, that thing that’s supposed to represent Jesus here on earth) should cause us tremendous sorrow.
Please consider that even if you’re right, it shouldn’t dramatically change the praxis of your faith.

Tuesday I was with my friend and fellow author, Frank Schaeffer and he was telling me a story about his parents. They were theologically conservative on the issue of homosexuality, but as Frank describes, were “glorious hypocrites” because they were so loving to their gay friends in their day to day living. Ultimately, I think the correctness of a theological opinion is somewhat irrelevant in comparison to personal behavior– a truth Jesus taught in Matthew 25. Consider all sides and still think it’s a sin? Have at it– but please consider being a glorious hypocrite on the issue, as we are on so many others, by choosing radical love for other people instead of planting your flag in the rightness of correct belief.
Even I have publicly admitted that I still struggle with the entire theology around this– struggling with theology is okay. However, as I have also stated publicly, wherever I land will be irrelevant to the praxis of my faith, just as it was for Frank’s parents. I will still radically love people. I will still radically include people. I will still invite everyone to join me in following Jesus… and I will still refrain from judgement, because I’m not God and I don’t have all of the information to make righteous judgements about others.
There’s no reason why this issue should change the praxis of your faith, either. We’re all just trying to follow Jesus, and we should be so focused on our own issues that we lack the time to focus on the perceived issues of others.
Please consider that the cultural obsession with homosexuality within the American Church is detracting from the things Jesus asked us to do.
Later today I’ll be releasing an interview I shot Tuesday with Frank Schaeffer regarding his new book, Why I’m An Atheist Who Believes In God. In the book, he writes that “Jesus was a traitor to the culture wars of his day”, because the message Jesus came to bring didn’t line up with the battles the current culture wanted to fight. The same is true today– it is American Christian culture who has placed this issue at the front and center and convinced much of the culture that this is “the” war worth fighting. Meanwhile, in the past two years I’ve met with rescued slaves in India, orphans in Africa, seen kids in third world countries drink water that could easily kill them, and watched the homeless trot off into the streets during a New England blizzard. There are real, pressing issues we could devote our time to– but the whole anti-gay battle? That’s a distraction from the real issues facing our world– issues we can actually impact if we don’t get caught up into fabricated culture wars. So, please consider being like Jesus– be a traitor to the culture wars of today, and focus on the issues that really matter.
 ///
As I said, I believe this to be an issue that should be kept to secondary theology that still allows for Christian unity and that regardless of where our theology lands, it should not impact the praxis of our faith. I understand this is a hard issue for many of you to wrestle with, and this post isn’t one where I’m trying to provoke you or get in your face– I just humbly ask, that you please consider these few things… and see what might change within your own heart.

17 October 2013

Sermon on the Parameters We Prefer For Jesus to Work Under 25AUG13

I have been listening to Rev Bolz-Webber's sermons for a few years now, and this, in my opinion, is one of her best. There is a lesson in it for her (as she readily admits) as well as for believers, non-believers, and all those who judge others on matters of faith. Thank you for a valuable lesson for me Rev Bolz-Webber.

You gotta love Dan Erlander’s drawings.

2013-08-25 NBW HFASS Sermon<—–Click here to listen along (and delight yourself with how much I botched one of the paragraphs) :)
I have to say, one of my very favorite things about Jesus is how he does whatever he wants to and could really give a hell about how other people feel about it. Yeah.  I just find that endearing. Especially when he irritates the nice religious people. That’s secretly my favorite.
In our Gospel text for today Jesus is teaching in the synagogue on a Sabbath when he sees a woman with a crippled back. He saw her, called her over and said “Woman you are set free from your ailment” He reached out and touched her and she stood upright for the first time in 18 years and praised God. Which seems like a win.  Except for that then the leader of the synagogue throws a little tizzy about how that kind of thing should not be happening on the Sabbath.  Further proof that super religious people can just be so helpful, can’t they?
Especially when they seem to value parameters over people – which should sound like a familiar story…
Stories of churches denying your call to ministry because you fall outside the parameters of which gender is allowed to be ordained and stories of churches denying you the Eucharist because you fall outside the parameters of what kind of sexual orientation is allowed to receive the means of grace and stories of churches denying you a place in community because you just weren’t sure if you believed in God and that falls outside the parameters of doctrinal purity – well, these kind of stories are sadly bordering on cliché around here. We hear them all the time.
So I’m really grateful that Jesus has always tended to disregard people’s preferred parameters for how he should do things, and that he always just seems to keep seeing people, touching them, healing them and then thumbing his nose at anyone who says he really should be more discerning about his clientele and his tactics.
Because I, like many of you, relate to the woman with the crippled back. We who have, at times in our lives, felt crippled by spirits that weaken us, that keep us from standing upright as children of God. And I, like many of you, are happy to have a space like this where we have pretty loosy goosey parameters for who gets access to what…where we, despite the parameters so much of the church wants to place around Jesus, can still experience divine love and healing and grace.
Which is why this week when I was invited to a dinner at the house of a church leader I just felt so uncomfortable.
The invitation came from a group of Evangelical pastors here in Denver who have invited me to be part of various conversations on several occasions.  I believe in that kind of cross-pollination even though it’s not easy for me.  And it’s mainly not easy for me because of the extreme effort it takes for me to get over my indignation at being the only female clergy person in a room full of hip young evangelical pastors and their pretty wives.  This discomfort only grew Monday night as I thought about my fancy seminary education and ordination and the fact that my denomination had, the week before, elected a woman to be our presiding bishop and yet not a single one of the churches represented had a female pastor. Add to this the fact that, the dinner with the Evangelicals was in Highlands Ranch of all places so of course I couldn’t help but mention what a Loooong drive it had been from the city.
I finally started talking to one of the wives and immediately liked her because she said something snarky and I’m a sucker for that.  And I eventually told her how hard these kind of events are for me and why – and she very kindly asked “but don’t you still think we are all on the same team?”
Before I knew what I was saying I said “Oh my gosh, of course not”
And then when I came to my senses, I answered that personally it doesn’t always feel that way but that in terms of the Body of Christ maybe she’s right.
Which is why this week:
when I had such a hard time having an open heart with my Evangelical colleagues
and when I struggled I with how divine love or healing or redemption could possibly happen in Christian communities where there is so little concern for equality and  inclusion and the celebration of all God’s children,
as I studied this story of Jesus and the woman and the religious leader
that struggle I was having felt less like a criticism of them and more like a confession about me.
Because that’s when I stopped relating to the woman who was healed and started relating more to the hypocritical Sabbath-keeping religious leader calling foul.
Because I noticed that in the text, Jesus rebuked the religious leader for valuing parameters more than people – not for defending the practice of Sabbath-keeping.  Sabbath was still a valid way in which divine love, and healing and grace happened. The leader of the synagogue was not wrong in his love for keeping Sabbath. He was wrong in assuming that if God works within the parameters of Sabbath keeping that God cannot also work outside the parameters of Sabbath keeping.
I think what we are so prone to do is to think that if there is an experience of the Gospel within a particular set of circumstances, that means that only under that particular set of circumstances can the Gospel be experienced.  As though God’s agency is limited to the ways in which we happen to experience God.
And I wonder about the ways I might do the same thing. I wondered if for me this week, I wasn’t guilty of valuing parameters more than people when my heart was not open to the Evangelicals who invited me to dinner.  To be clear: This is not to say that gender equality and inclusion of all God’s children is not important, or that many of you don’t legitimately have a right to be upset with how you have been treated by those who say they follow Jesus, it’s just that we have to allow that God might actually be powerful enough to work outside of the parameters of how we attempt to live out the Gospel in this community.
Because in the end, faith is so much more about this kind of freedom – this kind of resting in the power of God’s love than it is about defending positions and monitoring parameters.
Because I suspect that God does God’s redeeming work in ways and through means with which I disagree.  And yes, I find this endlessly irritating, but I think more is to be had by relaxing and seeing that this might very well be true than there is to be had through pretending it’s not.
A couple weeks ago I got to hear Catholic theologian James Allison talk about how we think faith is about striving – keeping parameters, calling people out for not having it right, spiritual practices, doctrinal purity… whatever – but that really faith is about relaxing. Specifically, relaxing in the way we do when we are with a friend who we know for certain is fond of us.  We don’t have to strive around them and we somehow still become our best self – funny, spontaneous, free. Allison suggests that faith is trusting so much that God is fond of us that we just fricken relax.
I think that is what Jesus was saying to the religious leader, not that there is anything wrong with Sabbath keeping, but that Oh my gosh, just relax.
And if that’s true…if faith is akin to relaxing and if relaxing about stuff is hard for us, I wonder if on some level that’s because It’s hard to relax when we think that grace is limited, or there is only so much divine love to go around. Which is when we should remind each other that divine love, healing, grace….. these are not economic categories.
Divine love is simply not a limited resource and it is most certainly not something that happens only here or only in this way or only among us or and… I can’t wait to see the blog comments on this one…only among Christians.
And if the divine love of Christ is powerful enough to heal outside our parameters for how we believe that happens then the divine love of Christ is also powerful enough to heal outside the parameters of how others think that should happen.  Which also is perhaps grounds to relax.
Because if Sabbath is about rest and relaxing it means that there is Grace enough for all of us. Grace enough for the homophobes and the queers.  Grace enough for the Sabbath keepers and the Sabbath breakers. Grace enough for me and for the people who don’t think I deserve grace.  Grace enough for the Evangelicals and the Lutherans. There’s enough. Thanks be to God. There is enough.

Amen.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/2013/08/sermon-on-the-parameter-we-prefer-for-jesus-to-work-under/

21 April 2013

JUDGE NOT, BEFORE YOU JUDGE YOURSELF.....

WITH everything we have gone through as a nation this week it is easy to become judgemental, but as a nation who claims Christianity as the principle the country was founded on, the religion that guides us, it would be good for all of us to consider Christ's interaction with people of nationalities considered Israel's enemies and these words 
 
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.

- John 8:7-9 

While it is necessary to try in a court of law those who have committed the terrible crimes in Boston, it is also necessary to do it within the law, without malice and hate for the accused and those of his nationality and faith. Failure to do so will make us no better than the accused.....

06 April 2013

Marcus Mumford and the Trouble With Labels 3APR13 & Marcus Mumford: 'I Wouldn't Call Myself a Christian' 13MAR13

THIS is a thoughtful, honest, well written response to all those who are having a field day condemning Marcus Mumford for his comments on his Christian faith and identity. All Christians would do better to look at ourselves before publicly passing judgement on his comments, AND all seeking to manipulate his words for justification of their negative attitudes of the Church would do well to read his words again. From Sojourners....


Mary represents the 'rebel consciousness' that is essential to Jesus' gospel. Wherever the gospel is preached, we must remember that its good news will make you crazy. Jesus will put you at odds with the economic and political systems of our world. This gospel will force you to act, interrupting the world as it is in ways that make even pious people indignant.

-Emmanuel Katongole

Labels can be helpful when, for instance, applied to cans of soup or barrels of toxic waste. But they are less so when affixed to human beings – particularly when labels are meant to summarize, indelibly, one’s spiritual identity.
Marcus Mumford in Verona, Italy. By Andrea Sartorati / Flickr.com
Marcus Mumford in Verona, Italy. By Andrea Sartorati / Flickr.com

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In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Marcus Mumford, the 26-year-old lead singer of the wildly successful British band Mumford & Sons, raised the hackles of religious folks (in some quarters) when he declined to claim the “Christian” label as his own.
You see, Marcus is the son of John and Eleanor Mumford, who are the national leaders of the Vineyard Church in the U.K. and Ireland, an arm of the international evangelical Christian Vineyard Movement. Last year, he married actress Carey Mulligan, whom he’d met years earlier at a Christian youth camp.
And the music of Mumford & Sons, for which Mumford is the main lyricist, is laden with the themes and imagery of faith – often drawing specifically upon the Christian tradition. They explore relationships with God and others; fears and doubts; sin, redemption, and most of all, grace.
During an interview last month, the Rolling Stonereporter, Brian Hiatt, asked Mumford whether he “still consider(s) himself a Christian.”
Mumford gave the following answer:
“I don’t really like that word. It comes with so much baggage. So, no, I wouldn’t call myself a Christian. I think the word just conjures up all these religious images that I don’t really like. I have my personal views about the person of Jesus and who he was. … I’ve kind of separated myself from the culture of Christianity.”
His spiritual journey is a “work in progress,” Mumford said, adding that he’s never doubted the existence of God and that his parents are unbothered by his ambivalence toward the Christian label.
Mumford’s answer didn’t give me pause either, although I am a Christian and was raised in a faith community similar to the Vineyard and self-identify today as an evangelical.
But when I was his age, I might have given a similar answer. He’s young and faith is a journey, not a destination. Cut Mumford some slack and thank him for his honesty.
That was not the reaction of many of my co-religionists, some of whom deemed his answer a cop-out, chastising him for being ashamed of the gospel of Christ and tossing his lot in with the booming spiritual-but-not-religious crowd that is so popular among his age demographic.
Not so fast, good Christian soldiers. Before we march off to war against young Mr. Mumford, perhaps we should consider why he chose to answer the way he did.
I didn’t hear Mumford’s remarks as a wishy-washy equivocation about the precepts of Christianity or a capitalist concern about alienating non-Christian fans. Rather what I took away from his answer was a keen wariness about other Christians and our too-often brutal judgmentalism.
Growing up as a pastor’s kid, undoubtedly Mumford knows this all too well. And as someone who is newly accustomed to standing in the unforgiving glare of celebrity’s spotlight, he surely also understands our cultural obsession with putting people on pedestals and knocking them off with great glee and heaping doses of schadenfreude.
What I heard in his reticence to label himself a Christian was not a denial of faith, but instead something that falls between Dorothy Day’s famous “Don’t call me a saint — I don’t want to be dismissed so easily,” and Soren Kierkegaard’s, “Once you label me you negate me.”
I also heard echoes of another rock star whose own Christian faith has been a topic of controversy and debate for years: Bono of U2.
Some critics have called Bono “holier-than-thou” and mocked him as “St. Bono.” The most vicious attacks, however, came from other Christians who called Bono’s faith into question because of his day job.
For many years, beginning when Bono was the same age Mumford is now, he shied away from the Christian label and largely stopped talking about his faith publicly.
When asked about the role of religion in his life in a 1987 Rolling Stone interview, Bono said in part: “I am a Christian, but at times I feel very removed from Christianity. The Jesus Christ that I believe in was the man who turned over the tables in the temple and threw the money-changers out.”
Fifteen years later, in 2002 Bono and I spoke at length about his discomfort with “the church” and his reluctance to self-apply the “Christian” label. “By the way, I don’t set myself up to be any kind of Christian. I can’t live up to that. It’s something I aspire to, but I don’t feel comfortable with that badge,” he told me. “It’s a badge I want to wear. But I’m not a very good advertisement for God.”
It wasn’t a disavowal of faith or beliefs (although some thought it was). It was a statement from a humble believer who wants people to look to God – not him – for perfection and answers.
This reminds me of Pope Francis, who has accepted the label of “Holy Father” but prefers to refer to himself as the “Bishop of Rome.” He’s not denying his role as pontiff, but he is telegraphing the idea that he is much more comfortable with a more humble position. He is a shepherd who likes to, as he told crowds during Holy Week, be amid the “smell” of his sheep.
I don’t care what Mumford or Bono or the pope call themselves or don’t. Their actions and (other) words tell a story of faith that is much more nuanced, and therefore truer, than any label they might pin over their hearts or have thrust upon them.
Cathleen Falsani is the Faith & Values columnist for the Orange County Register. Via RNS.
Image: Marcus Mumford in Verona, Italy. By Andrea Sartorati / Flickr.com

Marcus Mumford: 'I Wouldn't Call Myself a Christian'

In Mumford & Sons' Rolling Stone cover story, the frontman opens up about his faith


Mumford & Sons, issue 1179
Mumford & Sons on the cover of Rolling Stone.
Sam Jones
Mumford & Sons frontman Marcus Mumford is speaking in depth for the first time about his religious beliefs and upbringing. Mumford, whose parents are the founders of the Vineyard, the U.K. branch of an evangelical Christian movement, has filled his band's lyrics with references to God, prayer and struggles with faith – but has been vague until now about his current beliefs. 
Does he still consider himself a Christian? "I don't really like that word," he tells senior writer Brian Hiatt in his band's first Rolling Stone cover story. "It comes with so much baggage. So, no, I wouldn't call myself a Christian. I think the word just conjures up all these religious images that I don't really like. I have my personal views about the person of Jesus and who he was. Like, you ask a Muslim and they'll say, 'Jesus was awesome' – they're not Christians, but they still love Jesus. I've kind of separated myself from the culture of Christianity." Mumford emphasizes that while his spiritual journey is a "work in progress," he's never doubted the existence of God.




Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/marcus-mumford-i-wouldnt-call-myself-a-christian-20130313#ixzz2Ph8O8KiK 
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