How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. (My lawyer friend Rick says his dentist neighbor told him this joke....thought it was funny but saw no humor in Rick's joke 'What did the dentist name his first two kids? Phil & Bill!')
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What does a lawyer use for birth-control? His personality.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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