SOME HUMOR TO BRIGHTEN YOUR WEEK!

#####  

 

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

 

#####  

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

#####  

 

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 

#####  

 

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop any time.

 

#####  

 

How does Moses make his tea ?

Hebrews it.

 

  #####

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

 

#####  

 

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,

but I'd never met herbivore .

 

  #####

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

 

  #####

 

I did a theatrical performance about puns.

It was a play on words.

 

  #####

 

They told me I had Type-A blood,

but it was a Type- O.

 

  #####

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

#####  

 

Why were the Indians here first?

They had reservations.

 

  #####

 

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.

I hope there's no pop quiz.

 

#####  

 

Energizer bunny arrested.

Charged with battery.

 

#####  

 

I didn't like my beard at first.

Then it grew on me.

 

  #####

 

How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it!

 

  #####

 

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job

because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

  #####

 

 

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

 

  #####

 

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me!

 

  #####

 

Broken pencils are pointless.

 

  #####

 

I tried to catch some fog.

I mist.

 

  #####

 

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

 

#####

 

England has no kidney bank,

but it does have a Liverpool.

 

#####

 

I used to be a banker,

but then I lost interest.

 

#####  

 

I dropped out of communism class

because of lousy Marx.

 

#####  

 

All the toilets in New   York’s police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

 

  #####

 

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

 

#####  

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 

#####

 

Velcro - what a rip off!

 

#####

 

Cartoonist found dead in home.

Details are sketchy.

 

#####

 

Venison for dinner?

Oh deer!

 

#####  

 

Earthquake in Washington;

obviously government's fault.

 

  #####

 

I used to think I was indecisive,

but now I'm not so sure.

 

#####  

 

Be kind to your dentist.

He has fillings, too.

  #####